Sex Table of Content
A09Q01 My First
Encounter with Sex
A09Q02 My Second Encounter with Sex
A09Q03 Stud
A09Q04 Want a Child
A09Q05 Sex Ed Book
A09Q06 'Gay'
A09Q07 Drugs
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Table of Content
Q01 My First Encounter with Sex
It was late spring of sixth grade, I
was standing near the school building watching my friend play hop
scotch. As she walked toward the swings, she suddenly stopped with a
look of panic on her face, I could see a small drop of blood on the
inside of her calf. Before I could move a teacher ran to her, wiped
the blood from her leg with a tissue, and practically dragged her
into the school. I wanted to know what was wrong with my friend and
followed at a distance. As they walked down the hall the teacher said
in very disgusted voice didn't your mother tell you? In a very weak
voice my friend said tell me what? I could not hear what the teacher
told the school nurse, but soon she had a look of disgust on her
face. The teacher closed the door and turned around, when she saw me
she said YOU.... go out side and play. I was instantly mad, why
couldn't I know what was wrong with my friend and went to the far
side of the play ground where I could be by myself.
It was a rainy
August day and my friend and I were sitting on the floor with our
legs dangling out the loft door of an old carriage barn her dad used
as a garage. He had removed the old doors and replaced the door below
with a garage door, but didn't replace the loft door. The peak of the
roof extended out some three feet preventing the rain from getting us
wet. We had tired of playing board games and for some reason the
other neighborhood children didn't come. We sat silently for a while,
then she said rainy days sometimes make me gloomy, but not as gloomy
as the worst day of my life. She told me about the day in the play
ground, I didn't interrupt her or tell her what I did. She said I
thought the teacher and the school nurse were mad at me, but as soon
as the door closed she said, there was nothing wrong with you, every
normal young girl does it and I knew she was not mad at me. I didn't
understand the words she used, she gave me a pamphlet, and I could
understand the drawings. When I showed it to my mother she threw it
into the waste basket and when she was not looking I took it and hid
it in the loft. She got up, retrieved the pamphlet, returned, and we
looked at the pamphlet together. I didn't understand the words
either, I did understand the drawings. When we finished she hid the
pamphlet and returned. She said as soon as I could I went to visit my
girl friend, she had an older sister. When we went into her room two
of her friends were with her. When I told them what had happened,
they said the teacher was not mad at you, she and the nurse were
disgusted with your mother. One said sometimes you will be sad for no
reason and sometimes you will be happy for no reason, be careful how
you respond to others when your feelings change. She gave me a hug
and said, now you are a woman, that made me feel good. We sat
silently for a while, the rain stopped, and several more kids joined
us.
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Q02 My Second Encounter with Sex
When I had my first erection I thought
I would burst, but didn't think to much about it because my friends
had the same experience. But my first nocturnal emission was
different, none of my friends had the experience as early. I did not
understand what was happening to me and when I asked my mom she said
that's a man's problem. My dad said you will out grow it.
Many years later I understood why my
parents could not help me, they did not have a vocabulary, they could
not explain it if they wanted to. Before I entered eighth grade I had
surpassed the knowledge of my parents, from then on I had to rely on
my teachers, text books, and what little reading I did until I
started to read in earnest.
My friends and I were the oldest boys
in our families so we did not have an older brother to ask. When I
asked the older boys, most ignored my question, the few who would
respond said they only emitted a small amount so it was not a
problem. For me, it was because I emitted a large amount, there was a
pool of fluid on my tummy, my PJ's, and the top sheet were saturated.
The emissions occurred about 3 to 4 days a part.
In the seventh grade I had been
visiting a neighbor girl after dinner for about 20 minutes each
night, her mother would call her in. At first we talked, then she
wanted me to kiss her before she went into her home, I liked her, but
I was not interested beyond that, but I complied. After a few times
she put her arms around my neck and kissed me many times. It didn't
do anything for me, but it must have for her because several days
later after she stopped kissing me she would put her hands around my
waist, push her hips tight against me and lean the top part of her
body away, I was erect in an instant and she would push even harder
for a short time and then turn and quickly go into her home. I didn't
understand why she was doing it until many years later, my erection
was putting pressure on her colitis giving her a feeling she could
not get without having sex.
Her sister, four years older, was
having sex with her boy friend and she told her about 'safe days'.
Later I learned that my brother and all of his friends were
having sex on safe days and playing greyhound on the other days. My
friends did not have girl friends so I didn't tell them.
About a month later I had my first sex.
I did not know what I was doing, everything I did was instinctive.
But it did stop the emissions for about a week.
Several years later I went with my
brother to visit a friend of his and as we walked into his home, his
mother was giving him a lecture. She had come home early from work
and found him and his girl friend in bed. When she paused he said mom
don't worry I play greyhound. She said what does a bus company have
to do with it. He said a greyhound bus always pulls out of the
station on time. She said I give up and left the room. He was the
only one of my brothers friends whose girl friend was not pregnant
before they were married.
In the ninth grade we were bused into
town. In one of my classes the teacher had us sit according to the
alphabet which put me in the last row on the aisle. My previous class
was only two rooms away so I was always one the first students in the
room, but one girl who sat in the front row came from the other end
of the building and was always the last student entering the room
which gave me a clear view of her as she walked to her seat. Her hips
matched my idea of perfect and I would be erect every time and it
would not dissipate. Walking down the halls between classes didn't
help either, there were so many good looking bottoms, I had to carry
at least a note book in front of me until my senior year.
Many years later I learned that 12 - 14
year old girls were aggressive sexually, at 15 - 17 they wanted a boy
friend and after that they wanted a husband, that agreed with my
experience. Many of the girls I knew were married soon after
graduation.
Many of the authors said sex was
separate from love and people did not form bonds because of sex, that
did not agree with my observations.
In an English class in the eleventh
grade, I heard more than at any another time until I was married. The
class room was laid out much different than any other class room.
Four tables of three were along the windows with a space between them
and two tables of three across each end of the room with the
teacher's desk on the hallway wall. I sat between two all A girls
directly across from the doorway at the end table along the
windows.
I was usually one of the first to arrive and the girls
among the last. Because of the layout of the room I had an excellent
view of them as they entered and took their seats. Not only were they
smart, they were good looking and very graceful. They were a pleasure
to watch. Many times one of them would say, I wish you would not look
at me that way, it gives me goose bumps.
After they were seated, I
would push my chair back, they would lean forward, and they would
talk to each other as if I was not there. I heard about who was
dating who, how far they went, what clothes and hair styles were in
fashion, what events they liked and were planning on attending and
the clothes they were going to wear, which boys they thought were
cute, and which ones they did not like, plus much more.
One day
before the class bell rang, a boy at one of the end tables went to
his locker which was directly opposite of the door and hurried back.
As he approached the door he looked down the hall, at the same time
two girls were coming from the opposite direction he was looking and
they were not paying attention. One of them slammed into him, the
back of his hand went into her crotch and a breast hit his arm, boom,
he was erect. She bounced off of him and continued down the hall, he
stood still for an instant. The girls next to me pointed and giggled
and soon all of the girls who could see him were doing the same. The
teacher turned and when she saw what they were giggling about, she
said calm down girls. The boy's face turned bright red and he walk
down the hall out of sight and did not return that day.
After this
event, I watched where girls were looking when they looked at a boy.
They frequently looked at his crotch, but spent more of their time
looking at the back of his head after he walked by. They looked at
his arms and shoulders, too, but did not spend much time doing so.
They would look at his face as long as he was not looking at them,
again not for long. I thought it was odd they spent so much time
looking at the back of his head and wondered if this was true of all
girls.
Many years later I observed the same
thing when our son went with me to the store, I could not remember
where the item I wanted was located so he went down one aisle and I
went down another, he found the item and headed toward the check out
lane. I came around the end of the aisle and saw a young woman
following him about ten feet behind and she was looking at the back
of his head all the way to the check out. She turned away when I
joined him. Odd.
Only one of my friends didn't go to
college, my brother and all of his friends dropped out of school as
soon as they were 16. Because he was my brother, he was welcome to
join us. We enjoyed hiking, biking, camping, fishing, and hunting.
Because I was his brother, I was welcome to join them, I did, but
often I did not participate because they spent much of their time
drinking beer and driving some where. They frequently would consume a
tank of gasoline in one night. Between the activities of my friends
and riding with his friends, I traveled down almost every road and
visited almost every town in MI.
Because my brother and his
friends, 19 of them and all of them worked at the same factory, now
had an income larger than both of their parents, they could do almost
anything they wanted to do, which attracted the attention of girls. I
met the parents of 9 of his friends and 8 were dumber than dirt.
Until they grew, some of their dad's would take any money they and
their sisters earned, beat them and their mother. When they were
strong enough they would beat their dad's badly and tell them if they
didn't behave they would beat them again. Their home life improved
some what and the women in their families were grateful, it also told
me that on the genetic level, men were supposed to protect women,
which puzzled me because they would defend their girl friends, but
would also beat them. It didn't make sense.
Their girl friends
would not leave them and gave them sex because they were hoping they
would be married and that would allow them to escape their
dysfunctional homes, plus the boys would take them to a drive in
after work for a hamburg, fries, and a milk shake, it was the second
meal of the day for them. The end result was sad.
Before they were 18, 18 of the
girlfriends were pregnant, one couple married and 17 of their
boyfriends thought they could walk away without any penalty. But in
less than a week, they were not sleeping, eating, or thinking well.
They were irritable and quick to anger and they did not know what was
wrong with them. By the end of the month they were instinctively
trying to make up with their old girlfriends, but they didn't know
how to do it.
In the mean time, their girlfriends were nearly
hysterical, four were, I saw one and I never wanted to see another,
she never completely recovered, she was dysfunctional the rest of her
life. I saw the results of the other three, they did recover, but
their personality was changed, they were never the same person as
before. The hope of the 17 to escape their dysfunctional families was
gone, they lost the protection of their boyfriends and they were
afraid of what would happen when their dad's found out. They didn't
have any income and no place to go, they didn't know what to do, so
when their boyfriends made an attempt to reconcile, they made it easy
for them to do so. They were soon married, but the relationship was
never the same and after the child was born, both of them blamed the
child for the resulting marriage, they would not take responsibility
for their actions. They did better with their following children, but
they were soon quarreling and created their own dysfunctional family
ending in divorce.
Their first child was ignored, they fed and
clothed it, but it did not receive any affection, it was never held,
it could never do anything right, it was blamed for every thing that
went wrong. In my opinion it was a fate worse than death.
But about a third of them grew up in
spite of their parents and as far as I could tell they led normal
lives. Another third needed help, I was not able to follow them, but
the stories I heard indicated they did get the help and did recover.
The last third, I followed four of them, my contact was about once a
year and in ten years three were able to recover, but not completely.
The fourth I followed for forty years and it took him that long to
recover.
In college the foreign students, if a
professor, an instructor, or graduate assistant was present, they
seldom would ask a question or participate in a discussion, but when
students were by themselves they were very active. My advanced
organic chem class was scheduled for three hours five days a week,
but most of the time we spent four to five hours each day in the lab.
The class was split 50:50 foreign and US, male female, white non
white. While our experiments were cooking we did our homework and
when finished we had many lively discussions.
Sex was discussed
frequently, and the foreign women were not inhibited and soon the US
women would contribute. They thought our country was to prudish, in
their countries, sex was not the topic of discussion, but when
necessary it was not avoided. They viewed sex as a natural function
like eating and told how they felt when having sex as well as before
and after.
Most of their societies kept boys and
girls separated during the teen years and did not promote body
contact between the sexes. When they held hands they kept a wider
space between them than in the US. About sixteen, sex was not
promoted, but it was not frowned upon either, parents did not
interfere if their daughters took their boyfriends to their bedrooms.
They said sex followed a cascade, the women wanted their men to hold
them which would lead them to want their men in them. Then they felt
full or complete, if their men withdrew and they didn't feel wet,
they were not satisfied. Their mothers told them to stay disciplined
and keep their thoughts on something besides sex so they could avoid
the cascade and to avoid body contact and to be aware of their
feelings and how they could divert or postpone those feelings and if
they couldn't how to protect themselves as best they could. None of
them wanted a baby without a husband. They could not believe how
little many young people in the US knew about sex, (this was '54
-'55).
While in the US they avoided men at all times except in
class or with large groups, they could not afford to become pregnant,
but the desire for a man never left them, neither was the desire to
be married and to have children, these feelings were with them all
the time. The intensity of the feelings would vary, it was never the
same from day to day and depended upon the events of the day to some
degree such as seeing an attractive man.
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Q03 Stud
The youngest of my dad's friends
enlisted as soon as he could, but by the time he finished basic
training and language school the war was almost over. He never saw
combat and spent the last two years of his enlistment at a post about
an hour from Berlin by truck. He grew up in a small German community
where the older generation spoke German, their parents spoke German
to them and spoke English to their children, but the children quickly
learned to speak German, too so they could talk to their
grandparents. Because he learned at young age he spoke German without
an English accent.
He passed the language test, but the military
sent him to language school anyway. In Germany he spent his time
translating German documents into English, he would read a document
and a typist would type what he said. During his off time he would
walk the country side, but he wanted to see Berlin. When he received
a three day pass, he made arrangements with a truck driver who went
to Berlin every Friday morning and returned on Monday morning. He had
to be in uniform to ride in the truck.
The driver had also been
raised in a small German community in a different state and when the
driver made a remark in German, as they were driving, he answered in
German, and they became fast friends. The driver had been chosen for
this route because he could speak German. The driver said I will let
you off at one of the better places and pick you on Monday morning at
six at the same place.
As he got out of the truck and put one
strap of a small back pack over his shoulder, four young women
walking toward him said there is a fine specimen, I wonder if he
would satisfy us. Without thinking he said what do you mean by
'satisfy us', in German. They mobbed him, one grabbed his hand,
another grabbed his arm, another pushed him from behind, and the
fourth went in front to open the door to their apartment. As they
pushed and pulled him, he asked where are you taking me? To our
apartment. Do I have a choice? No!
He didn't resist to strongly because he
wanted to know what they were going to do. After they were in their
apartment, one pushed a chair behind him and another pushed him into
it. One took his back pack and set it against the wall, another
removed his shoes, another unbuttoned his shirt and pulled his T
shirt off. He did not know where the fourth one went. The three of
them pulled him into a standing position and pulled his pants and
under wear down and asked him to step out of them, he did. Then they
pushed him into their bed room, the fourth one was nude on the bed
and he did what comes naturally. When he came, she pushed him away
saying save some for Elsie. He had sex with each one before lunch. He
dressed and they asked him to sit at the table, they were
dressed.
One set a bowel with potatoes and sour kraut on the
table, another brought a plate with rye bread and a piece of cheese,
a third brought a glass of diluted wine. As he was eating, he had
time to look around. The table was small, they only had two chairs,
one bed, one couch, none of the dishes and table ware were matching,
they had a one burner stove, and no refrigerator. When he finished
they offered him some more, he accepted. When he finished he asked
how they slept. We take turns, one sleeps on the bed, one on the
couch, and two on the floor. He asked if they ate, yes, but not very
much, we forgot how much a man eats. Then he looked at their
cupboard, it was mostly empty. They noticed and said we buy what we
need each day. He asked are you still hungry, yes. Bring my back pack
to me. He put two cartons of cigarettes on the table, go and get some
more food. One took three packs and signaled another and they left.
When he returned to Berlin the second
time the women were at work. He brought a small Allen wrench and
easily unlock their door and left his back pack filled with a five
pound bag of flour, four bars of Ivory soap, a bottle of shampoo, a
bar of Bon Ami, plus five cartons of cigarettes and a small canvas
draw string bag with as many rolls of toilet paper and packages of
tampons as it would hold. He put one pack of cigarettes in his
pocket, locked the door, and walked around the neighborhood.
At lunch he walked into a tavern, was
greeted, with broken English, by an old man. He could feel some
hostility, but when he answered in German he was welcomed. When he
set the package of cigarettes on the table, the old man made a signal
and his wife brought a stein of beer, soon his daughter brought a plate
with slices of cheese and sausage. The old man asked what would
you like to eat and he said this is more than enough and the old man
said but you have given me gold you can have much more. He replied I
have four friends and the old man said bring them for dinner plus
five more. He replied and you will feed the five more and the old man
said yes.
He finished and walked around some more
and returned to the apartment. The women had been crying and said you
have given us gold. He replied the old man had said the same thing, I
didn't realize cigarettes were so valuable. He then told them about
dinner. They quickly put on their best clothes and they walked to
tavern. A three piece band was playing and young and old were
dancing, they were quickly ushered to the only empty table. Food came
from know where and everyone had a good time. When they left he put
the rest of the carton on the table and tears ran down the old man's
face.
When he returned the next time there was a large table with
four chairs, the bedroom had a door, their toilet was enclosed with a
door, and they had two mattresses. The results of the old man and his
friends. Nothing was wasted, their old stuff was given to someone who
had less.
Three of them unpacked his back pack
and draw string bag and left. Without his asking the remaining one
explained what they wanted. She said in Berlin there were twenty
women for every man and the men were all over 50 or under 15, we knew
we would never have a husband, but we could have a child and that is
how we want you to satisfy us. She then asked him to teach them
English, they knew French, they worked as clerks in one of their
offices, but today the lights went out and everyone was sent home.
She wrote sentences in German on every other line on a sheet of paper
and asked him to write below each one the English counter part. They
wanted to be able to talk with both French and American soldiers so
they could increase their chances of becoming pregnant.
Before he
finished the other women returned with a lot of food and everyone
ate. He read each line in each language so they could learn the
meaning of the English words and how to pronounce them. After dinner
they wanted more sex and Saturday and Sunday was a repeat of Friday.
He returned as often as he could. On his third visit, one was
pregnant and they could not thank him enough. Each one was gratified
that at least one of them would have a child.
At the time I did
not understand all of the words he used, but the memory never left me
and allowed me to understand when I learned the meaning of all of the
words. I could observe gratification in women when one had a
boyfriend, was engaged, married, or had a child, the others would hug
and kiss her and each one felt gratified.
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Q04 Want a Child
In the seventh grade I had a news paper
route and collected on Friday night after dinner. Most of my
customers did not want to talk and had the exact change ready when I
came, but some did want to talk and I would listen. Three of the most
consistent talkers were three unmarried women, a teacher and two
owners of small businesses. At some time during the conversation,
completely out of context, they would say I wish I had a child. Over
the following years I learned the desire for a child was very strong
for every woman I observed and it was relentless.
I have read many articles on female
choice, they were a waste of reading time because they all ended the
same way, we do not know how females make their choice. I never saw
an article about male choice so I only had memories of the married
men during social time in the service and my own experience, all very
quick.
Three of my friends and I were bowling.
My best friend's wife and her girl friend were in Chicago shopping
and he didn't know when they would return so he left a note saying
where he was. His wife couldn't wait to tell him what they had bought
and came to the bowling alley. I saw them as they entered and when I
saw her girl friend I said to myself so that is my wife. She was
excited when we were introduced. When I first kissed her I though she
was going to have a heart attack because it was pounding so loud. We
dated about every other week for a year and a half, travel time was
about an hour and a half. On St Patrick's day there was a knock on my
apartment door, no one ever knocked on my door everyone used the
phone to contact me. It was my girl friend, she entered quickly,
grabbed me by the arm, and pulled me into my bedroom. She said I know
you don't want to get married until you are 28, but I don't want to
wait any longer, I want a baby, now. A month and a half later she
called and said she was pregnant and wanted to change our wedding
date, I said no, every thing was arranged for June. She was so
excited on our wedding day she could not remember it and I would
tease her later that if we didn't have pictures she would never know
what happened.
When I first saw our first born it was
the same as all of the other previous events, matter of fact, it was
what people did, I enjoyed each one, but never had the same emotion
she had, until my parental instinct kicked in and wow, did I ever
want that small one. My life, my thinking, my behavior would never be
the same again.
I can easily remember my emotion after
my parental instinct kicked in and how we all cried when our first
dog died and how elated our daughters were when my wife asked what
are we going to do to celebrate our anniversary. I said what
anniversary, this is March. She said its St Patrick's day and our
daughters said joyfully, it was Lynnie time. It did not matter that
she was conceived our of wed lock, they were happy their mother was
fulfilled.
And how depressed our children were
when an unforgettable aunt died. I could remember many people saying
big boys don't cry and my parents and teachers telling me, you must
learn to control your temper. I said to myself that was a rather
stupid statement, when I was mad, I was not in control, my temper was
and it had to dissipate on its own.
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Q05 Sex Ed Book
My wife and I were asked to serve on a
committee to choose a sex ed book for seventh grade. Each member of
the committee was given five of the fifteen books. After I read my
five, I read the five my wife had, and asked the committee chairman
if I could read the last five. Then I asked for the book used at the
high school. Sometime after the committee chose a book, I had the
feeling that I had over looked something obvious, but could not
determine what it was.
I was unhappy with myself, I had missed
the obvious, none of the books mentioned how the student would feel
as their bodies changed, or how their moods would change or why they
should try to be careful with their responses to other people when
they had those feelings.
Then I remembered my dad placing his
hand on my head to hold me away from him as I flailed my arms until I
fell to the floor exhausted. I have a very violent temper, like my
dad, except mom could step in front of him and say 'now' and his
anger would dissipate, no one ever found away to dissipate my anger
and I would stay mad for ten days to two weeks. When first mad, I
would strike anyone within reach, but for some unknown reason I
stopped striking out sometime before I was 12 except when someone
mentioned the holocaust and I could not escape, then I did strike
out.
As I listened to myself I thought that
must be true for all emotions and our genetic code was behind each
one. If we satisfied our genetic code our brains would release the
feel good neurotransmitter and we would be happy. When we didn't we
would be frustrated and the feel good neurotransmitter would be
absent which could lead to being mad, sad, or crying. Big boys do cry
and they should. Sometimes I cried when our children learned
something new, it was very pleasant for me.
Many times our genetic
code does not give us any choice, but sometimes it does and that is
where behavior modification can be effective. We should never try to
stop our emotions, never keep them bottled up, never in courage them
either, but we can modify our response to emotions. We should try to
let them out as peacefully as possible. I learned from experience,
when I did, the other people around me would recover quickly from any
anxiety I caused which in turn allowed my anger to dissipate because
after they recovered they would not do anything to increase my anger,
there was no negative feed back.
Then I read a follow up report. The
author was certain the feel good neurotransmitter was responsible for
mother and child bonding. The report did not give any details and I
wondered, if it was true, it could be extended to all of our pleasant
experiences, the feel good neurotransmitter would be released in
varying amounts according to the intensity of our pleasure, in
everyone present. This would explain our bonds with friends and
relatives and the behavior of my brother's friends and why their
girlfriends were willing to take them back even though their
personality had changed and why it had changed.
The bonds are a
material resource stored in our brains via chemical and electrical
signals, but they are only available at the non verbal level via
feelings.
Every time we have sex the feel good neurotransmitter is
released in large amounts and we form a very strong bond with our
partner. More sex means more bonds and as the number of bonds
increases our caring for our partner increases.
When my brother's
friends walked away from their girlfriends they did not break very
many bonds and they wanted to return to their previous caring
relationship. For their girlfriends it was traumatic and many bonds
were broken some of which caused a change in their personality, but
some bonds still remained and they too wanted to restore a caring
relationship plus they wanted security. But neither partner could
restore the broken bonds which resulted an unstable relationship.
I
knew it had to be more than love because love is a non material
resource and non material resources can only be shared and sharing is
an all or nothing activity, you either love the other person or you
don't and you cannot love anyone more than another and you can share
your love with as many people as you like and never run out.
Another report said women are the
stronger sex, men were more powerful, but on all other factors women
were stronger, they lived longer, they were survivors. Women were
more important than men because they have a limited supply of eggs
and only they could give birth where as one man could fertilize many
women, men are expendable. This supported my view that it is genetic
for men protect women, women were more valuable.
From my reading I
knew our brains and body were dependent upon one another, they could
not be separated. Even our intestines influence our brains, so if you
have a gut feeling, go with it, it will be right more often than
wrong and recently we have learned that our blood influences our
brains, it does more than supply nutrients and remove waste. We will
never have another body so we need to take care of it. Then I
realized no one had any jurisdiction over what anyone did with their
own body, nor did any person have jurisdiction to do anything to
another person's body without their permission, no person, no group,
no custom, no belief, no law, no religion.
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of Content
Q06 'Gay'
There were 8 children in my mother's
family, she was the fifth and her younger brother was the sixth, he
was 'gay'. When a neighbor woman questioned my mother, she said 'my
brother is different, so what!' and the woman never talked to her
again. After the war ended we would visit her family every summer for
10 days until the younger members moved away.
After our marriage, we would visit the
members of my wife's extended family. The older generation were in
their twenties during the 'Roaring Twenties'. Many were alcoholics,
many divorces, and many his, her, and ours plus their other
relatives. Two uncles and an aunt were 'gay'. Until our children were
older we would visit some member almost every weekend until the
family dispersed because of work, death, moving south, or a nursing
home.
Before our marriage, a member of our
bridge club begged me to help their theater group with two plays.
They chose plays that needed men and they didn't have enough men. A
few of the men played two parts, one in the first act and one in the
third act. That way they could redo their make up. I agreed to do a
very small bit part in each play. The leading male actor was gay and
everyone knew it. For six months I worked with him making stage
props, rehearsing, and acting, as well as going out for snacks and
playing bridge with him. Never did I ever see, hear, or feel any form
of discrimination, he was always treated as a member of the group.
After the first dress rehearsal of the
first play, many of the cast went to the same place for a snack. I
sat directly opposite of the lead male actor. I was distracted when a
very shapely woman walked behind him. The other men were making
comments, he didn't notice. I turned from being social to being
observant. When some one walked behind him, I looked at the person
next to him to conceal my actions. His head never turned when a woman
walked past, but if a man did he watched the man like I watched a
woman, it had to be instinctive. About five years later I observed
the same in my wife's uncles.
I was disturbed when I met an anti gay
group the first time, I only met three such groups and never more
than three at a time and they were ignorant, young, white males. When
I approached them they would move off to the side and away from me. I
could not understand why they did so, my only conclusion was my body
language communicated how much I despised them.
Five years later I
read: the sex chromosomes determine the physical characteristics, but
in some rare cases even that went awry. We are not born female as
some have said, if the sex chromosome is XX the embryo produces more
female hormones than male hormones, if XY the opposite. The amount of
male hormones in a XX varied very little among many different
embryos, but the female hormones did and the opposite for XY.
Experiments indicated it was the male hormones that determined the
secondary sex characteristics of each embryo. If the male hormones
were below a certain level the female characteristic was chosen, if
above the male one was.
There are many different stages in the
development of an embryo so if the concentration of the male hormone
varied at each one there could be both female and male
characteristics in any given embryo. The report didn't state this was
the cause of homosexuality, but it didn't take much thought to come
to that conclusion and it also explained why there were so many
different types of homosexuality. It also meant homosexuality was not
learned, it is hard wired into their genetic code, 'gay' people do
not have a choice and neither do the rest of us.
Several years
later I read how our chromosomes exchanged genes before creating egg
and sperm. The exchange was seldom precise, sometimes a gene would be
inserted in the middle of another gene causing the first gene to
produce incomplete proteins and sometimes the inserted gene could not
be activated so when a cell needed its protein it would not be
available. Sometimes a gene would be inserted near the end of one
gene and over lap a following gene rendering all three defective.
Sometimes the exchange would cause multiple copies of the same gene
which can cause neurological diseases or it could cause the deletion
of an otherwise functioning gene, again its protein would not be
available when needed. Most of the time the result would not have any
noticeable effect because many genes have multiply copies that would
supply the missing proteins, but if the result was severe, the embryo
would abort before the woman knew she was pregnant, sometimes the
result was disastrous, and sometimes a new beneficial gene was
created allowing evolution to continue. It also meant that
dysfunctional people would always be with us.
Regardless, it meant all sexually
determined creatures were GMO's. Even what is called traditional
cross breading can cause the same events to take place. In other
words, there is no safe way to change the genetics of any individual
even the new CRISPR which is much more precise.
My objection to GMO's is when the
changes are made so toxic materials can be used, we don't need more
toxins in our environment, but the other GMO's should be checked for
safety. We produce many toxic materials and only about 600 are on the
do not use list. To many people are unwilling to pay taxes to check
for safety, something I cannot fathom.
Several years later I read:
from a gene point of view, men should have sex with as many women as
possible to ensure his genes were passed on to the next generation
and a woman should have sex with as many men as possible to ensure
her egg would have the best sperm possible. But for the genes to
survive the child needed to survive or the genes would never produce
the next generation. Because of our long physical and mental
development, about sixteen for the physical and twenty eight for the
mental, two parents provide the best survival rate. This meant the
'gene' and 'survival' were in contention, a contention does not have
a solution only some point in between and our genetic point is almost
all survival.
Because women mature sooner than men and have a
limited supply of eggs, their sex drive directs them to become
pregnant before men are ready to become parents which usually results
in a bad marriage. Many young men are only interested in sex, they
think 'me' while the women think 'we' and if they marry before their
brains are mature their parenting instinct does not always kick in
leaving them feeling trapped and they seldom enjoy their children
until later so they do not provide the male influence their children
need at a young age from which some never recover.
Because of the
difference between the time women and men mature another contention
is created for which there is no solution, it is up to us to find a
point in between. Even though women mature sooner, their uterus is
not fully mature until about 22. So a woman should wait to become
pregnant until 22 and a man should wait until he is 28 when the
brains of both sexes are mature. There is no battle between the
sexes, there are two contentions, one at the genetic level and we
need to find some point in between for the other that will satisfy
the sex drive of both men and women.
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Q07 Drugs
I read an article explaining how drugs
caused neurons to grow additional receptors which meant the addict
had to use more to get the same effect. From what I had read about
drugs I thought once an addict always an addict and I frequently said
there is no such thing as a recreational drug, but our son would tell
me some people do not become addicts. Then by accident I read about a
long term study, 30 years, which said what our son was telling me was
true. Because the other reports only considered people who were
already addicts their population did not represent the whole
population. The long term study followed a large number of young
people before they experimented with drugs and then followed them for
as long as possible. More than half stopped using drugs by age 25
without any help. About a quarter would use drugs for awhile then
stop and then restart, they could stop at any time. Less than a
quarter were the true addicts.
But what was interesting to me was they
cited another report that appeared to have nothing to do with
addiction. It was about a group of doctors at research hospital
trying to determine which hormones were active and inactive during
labor and following birth. They found one they were not looking for,
the feel good neurotransmitter, it increased after birth. They
broadened their search and found it increased when a woman was
engaged, married, became pregnant, when she first saw her baby, but
it spiked when she first held her baby, then it decreased and rose
again when she nursed and then decreased again.
I had heard women
say 'men seem to enjoy sex more than women'. An explanation occurred
to me, when a man had sex, he had satisfied his genetic role and it
seemed logical that the feel good neurotransmitter would spike very
high where as in a woman the amount of the feel good neurotransmitter
would be spread over many genetic roles as she fulfilled each one,
with holding her baby being the highest, but still below that of a
man.
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